My co-founder is my father. For a long time I felt like my co-founder challenges were unique because of this. But I've been spending time with other founders, and I've realized that every co-founder relationship comes with it's own set of unique challenges. Whether your cofounder(s) are your friends, family, or strangers, it doesn't matter. The startup lifecycle is so chaotic and stressful that it brings people together one day and tears them apart the next.
I've been reflecting on this and thought I'd share how I try to maintain co-founder harmony.
Allow Take-Backs
The heat of the moment sneaks up on us. In the face of any tough situation—like an angry customer, a frustrated investor or even a nervous employee—it's easy for one co-founder to blame the other and say things we don't mean. I have definitely said things that, in retrospect, were not 100% professional.
But then I go home, I think about it, I calm down, and then I (usually) apologize. Admittedly, sometimes I pretend it never happened! However you deal with it, the principle is the same: Recognize that a reaction usually comes from stress and is not personal. This makes it easier to get over it, move on, and face the next challenge that comes up—together. Get good at forgiving and forgetting.
Spend Time Together (outside the office!)
Get away from the office sometimes and remember why you connected in the first place. Do things together that aren't work-related. The good thing about having my dad as my co-founder is that we are forced to hang out together outside of work. It reminds me that I like him as a person, which—believe it or not—is easy to forget when we're dealing with each other as CEO and COO of a growing company.
But in your quest to connect with your co-founder, don't forget to spend some time apart, too.
Stop Competing
Having more than one founder means you have to share the glory of your startup with another person. Inevitably this can lead to tension because founders feel 100% responsible for the success of our startup. Anyone who has been part of a founding team has given something up to make it happen, and it's natural to feel like our personal sacrifice was the most significant of the group, which can lead to resentment. How do you get past that? My strategy is to take a deep breath and move on. Don't sweat the small stuff as they say. I remind myself that it's not a competition between us. We share the desire to make our company successful, and if that happens, everyone wins. My own ego has to take a backseat—sometimes kicking and screaming—for the good of the company.
Of course choosing the right co-founder in the first place is also important; Jerry Jeo wrote a good piece about this recently. You're entering into a long-term relationship, which is never easy and not always harmonious.
But I, for one, think it's worth it.
